Month: February 2017

Most everyone knows what I do for a living, at least those reading this blog as it’s mostly those that love me 🙂 For anyone that doesn’t, I am the CEO of a craft brewery that now employs 20 people. In the few short years I’ve worked for the company we’ve grown from 3 to 20 and I am insanely lucky to have the team that I do working with me every day. That said, I’m still extremely insecure in my leadership capabilities…although I try to hide it as much as I can.

I have this inherent fear that people will realize I’m not as smart, as capable or as qualified as everyone thinks that I am. I know I am capable of getting things accomplished and I know that I work hard at whatever I do. However, I seem to lack the faith in me that others have. I have infinite faith in those I work with to be able to accomplish all that they need to, but for some reason, I lack that faith in myself. I love all that we’ve managed to do both for the organization but also for the community and look forward to doing much, much more.

So, why can’t I have the same faith in my abilities that others have in me or that I have for others? What am I lacking to be able to have the confidence in my intelligence or work ethic to feel confident in our future growth? Why can’t I look at what we’ve done as proof that I have the knowledge to do even more? And, what can I do to instill in the others that they have the knowledge and skills to achieve bigger and better things, here or, let’s be real, elsewhere? These are questions I ask myself regularly…and then I get told the 3 little words that everyone wants to hear from someone they love and admire, “You’re crushing it.”

Those that know me and this company know that it was founded by my brother. My younger (yes, I just publically admitted it), uber intelligent and charismatic brother. He had a dream and took a leap of faith. Once the need for substantial growth was there, he brought me onboard.  An opportunity I will never forget and am completely grateful for. I’ve been the hands on lead for the brewery every since, insecurities and all.

Last night we were discussing some of the day-to-day ongoings and some of the further out plans I had for the company. And he uttered those 3 little words, “You’re crushing it” and for a moment I knew I could do what I’ve been tasked to do. When I’m given that positive feedback I gain a sense of confidence and assuredness in my abilities, even if two weeks later I feel those doubts creeping back in. Do I want him to tell me daily that he believes in me? No, that, I’m afraid, would cause those words to have less and less weight each time they were uttered. But as I write this, I’m beginning to wonder if being insecure about my capabilities is what continues to drive me to push myself harder for each of these accomplishments. Perhaps, but, there certainly is a lesson to be learned here.

The lesson I’m learning, even as I type this, is that the impact of those 3 little words is immense. The ability to give those around me a sense of accomplishment, whether it’s a temporary or longer term feeling, requires so little effort. Doled out like candy it becomes ineffective, but spoken genuinely and with heartfelt sincerity, it can remind someone that they are capable of accomplishing things they never imagined. Regardless if it’s your child, your employee, your teammate or your partner, hearing those three little words can mean the difference between them working just a little harder, trying something outside their comfort zone, or allowing those doubts and insecurities to prevent them from flying.

If no one else remembers to tell you this today, know that I think you’re crushing it.

I Rise ~ Andrea

 

Yesterday, at the gym a friend and I were talking about how different things are for kids and teenagers, specifically teenage girls, today then they were when we were growing up. We talked about how much more aware of the world they are, how they have instantaneous access to whatever is happening in the world, the good and the ugly. Today’s teenagers are more informed than any other generation before. While in many ways this is a wonderful thing, many teenagers are feeling the need to act on the injustices they witness around the world, they also have the ability to spread information just as instantaneously.

Last night I watched the affects of that ability devastate and emotionally traumatize an amazing young lady. Why are girls, and even women, so cruel to one another that they’re ok with tearing each other down and rallying others to do it as well. It starts young, but why? Why are girls programmed so differently than boys? When did it become ok to gang up on one another to convince others that one girl isn’t worthy? And how is it some girls outgrow the “mean girl” and some grow to be mean women? No one is perfect, no one is without fault, but since when does being imperfect make it ok for you to be the target of others?

I watched a young woman that had issues with one other young woman be ostracized by an entire team of girls. Is she perfect? Nope. Is she without fault? Nope….but you know what she is? She’s human. She’s kind, caring, generous, sweet, but human. She owns her humanness and apologizes for those times when being human may affect others. She takes accountability for things she may do or say that negatively affect others…so to see her be treated so cruelly by not one, but several others, others that she did nothing to, was not only painful to witness but pissed me off to no end. It made be wonder how this happens. We all long to belong, we want to be accepted for our positive and negative characteristics, and we want to be loved by those around us. Why do we allow this “mean girl” phenomenon to continue?

What can we do to change this? No girl should ever feel totally alone. No girl should ever feel like they need to be anything other than who they are to be accepted. No girl should ever feel like it’s just her against the world. How do we change the dynamic with our young women to be accepting and forgiving of others? How do we convince young women that they can use the “pack mentality” to be inclusive rather than exclusive? How do we teach the next generation of strong, independent young women that being strong and independent in adolescence should be celebrated not ostracized? There’s only one way I can think of; to model this behavior as adults.

It’s visible in business, politics, social circles and pretty much every aspect of life. Women are threatened by other women and because of this treat each other with the same behaviors they did as adolescent girls. They gang up, they tear down and they ostracize.  What would help our young women to become secure, stable and productive strong women is to see productive, strong women helping each other up, to know that forgiving and supporting each other helps all women to grow. To celebrate our differences rather than being afraid of them, using whatever opportunities we have available to us to enhance each others’ lives rather than being jealous or scared that those differences make someone more or less than us.

Not everyone will be your cup of tea, there will be women that you won’t necessarily want to spend time with or become besties with, and that’s ok. What isn’t ok is tearing those women down or treating them inhumanly because they aren’t your cup of tea. Being kind doesn’t mean you have to like everyone…it means just that, being kind. It means using the opportunities you have available to you to do good, to allow people to be who they are without fear of being treated negatively…and that’s what we need to instill in the young women in our lives. We need them to know that regardless of the style of music they listen to, the books they read, the color of their hair, the style of their clothing, or the sports they choose to be a part of that they are beautiful, that they are loved and that they are enough…and to encourage them to treat others the same way.  Only when we show others through our actions that they are enough will the next generation learn that they too are enough.

I was beginning to wonder if I’d have a post this week. My life has been pretty isolated the past few days as I’ve struggled with a cold. Generally my writings stem from interactions with, or observations of, other people.  Being under the weather, I go to work, and then home. I don’t handle sick well, I’m the proverbial man when it comes to illness.  I whine, I get pissy and I even get angry. I think because it’s so rare that I feel like I just don’t have time for it.  Which brings me to the reason behind this entry.

Emailing a friend the past few days about a whole host of things because his mind works like mine, a ping pong ball in a shoebox being shaken violently, and of course, I had to complain about being sick. Mind you, he’s even more sick than me, like antibiotics sick, but yet in my mind, I’m the one dying. This morning, I mentioned that I hadn’t been to the gym, other than teaching a spin class last night, since Saturday and that I was feeling like a slob. His words were, “A slob-I haven’t gone to the gym in months…I don’t wanna hear you talk about feeling like a slob! You spun last night and you are sick…that is maximum effort even without feeling well…Praise not condemnation for yourself sista…”

And there it was, the inspiration for this post…learning to praise not condemn ourselves.  How easy is it to berate oneself for things where we feel like we’ve fallen short, but with others we’re quick to remind them of their accomplishments not failures. Why can’t we do that with ourselves?

I’m always the first person to remind others that they’re human, that they won’t always succeed with everything they attempt but that the lesson is in the attempt, not the success. That we need always be kind to ourselves first, yet I’m the last to take my advice, even when I’m sick. I remind others to take time to heal, to take care of themselves and most importantly, speak kindly of and to themselves. If someone else had said to me what I did about feeling like a slob for missing gym time, I know exactly what my reaction would have been; an eye roll of epic proportions, likely an expletive (or two), and a reminder that we need to listen to our bodies. I would never allow someone else to talk to themselves the way that I talk to myself.

In this day and age, kindness is essential as we move forward, I don’t think that’s any big secret. What I think we miss is that there’s also an opportunity to learn to be kind to ourselves. That it’s just as important as being kind to others. Why do we allow ourselves to have expectations of what we are supposed to do higher than what we expect from others? And why, when those expectations aren’t met, do we allow ourselves to mentally and verbally punish ourselves?

I’m reminded of the Saturday Night Live skit, “Daily Affirmations with Stuart Smalley.” While this is the extreme exaggeration of what I’m referring to, there’s merit in this skit. Stuart takes time daily to remind himself that he’s “Good enough, smart enough and Doggone it, people like me.” We remember to send text messages to our significant others or children reminding them we love them and are proud of them, but yet we poke fun at the idea of doing that for ourselves. Why shouldn’t we remind ourselves that we’re good enough, smart enough and that people like us?

I challenge you, and myself, to start seeing ourselves through the eyes of others. To celebrate our successes but also to forgive our shortcomings. To talk to yourself as if you’re talking to a friend…with the same level of care and tenderness as you’d afford someone else. The next time you’re tempted to speak to yourself harshly, to belittle yourself for some perceived failure, to be unkind, remember that you’d never allow someone you love to speak to themselves that way, why should you? I am good enough, I am smart enough and yes, doggone it, people like me.

 

I Rise ~ Andrea

 

 Here goes, my very first post….

Tonight I had the good fortune to spend some time with two amazing women. We had dinner then hit the movies, a treat that I thoroughly enjoy but rarely make the time to indulge in. We had decided to see the film, Hidden Figures,  a phenomenal movie about the US space program in the 1960s and the amazing women, African American women that were essential to the success of that program.

The movie was well written, witty, historically sound, romantic, but most of all inspirational. One could not sit through the movie without being moved to action, or at least the desire for action. The specific action is as individual as every woman in the audience.  For some I can imagine they might be inspired to pursue a new level of education as one of the characters in the movie did. Another viewer might be inspired to stand her ground and demand she be acknowledged for her actions, whatever they may be. Yet another might simply be moved to encourage other women to see the movie and plant the seed of action in their hearts and minds. Whatever it was, most leaving there made similar comments about being inspired.

For me, that inspiration is here, in this blog, at least in part. There are still many things I wish to do, some short term and some long, that will require action, but like so many I often allow life to interfere with that action. Not tonight. Tonight after leaving the theater, I knew that if I continued to put off this first post, hoping to find the perfect subject matter, the blog would never be written. We all have things in our lives that we’ve wanted to accomplish but that we put off and unfortunately some will never be done.

I’ve got a shoe-box, if you will, of conceived but not completed goals, dreams and desires left in different stages of infancy, but not this one. Tonight these amazing women; Katherine Goble Johnson, Dorothy Vaughn and Mary Jackson brought me to tears but also ignited a fire to act. These women moved my mind and my soul, they faced huge obstacles that must have seemed insurmountable, and yet overcame them. Why would I allow the obstacle of my own mind to prevent me from doing what I am passionate about when these women were able to accomplish so much? I won’t.

This begins a new chapter for me, a new adventure, a new dream. Thanks to incredible women, the women in the movie and those I surround myself with regularly, I can act…and this blog is truly just the beginning.

I Rise ~ Andrea