I was beginning to wonder if I’d have a post this week. My life has been pretty isolated the past few days as I’ve struggled with a cold. Generally my writings stem from interactions with, or observations of, other people. Being under the weather, I go to work, and then home. I don’t handle sick well, I’m the proverbial man when it comes to illness. I whine, I get pissy and I even get angry. I think because it’s so rare that I feel like I just don’t have time for it. Which brings me to the reason behind this entry.
Emailing a friend the past few days about a whole host of things because his mind works like mine, a ping pong ball in a shoebox being shaken violently, and of course, I had to complain about being sick. Mind you, he’s even more sick than me, like antibiotics sick, but yet in my mind, I’m the one dying. This morning, I mentioned that I hadn’t been to the gym, other than teaching a spin class last night, since Saturday and that I was feeling like a slob. His words were, “A slob-I haven’t gone to the gym in months…I don’t wanna hear you talk about feeling like a slob! You spun last night and you are sick…that is maximum effort even without feeling well…Praise not condemnation for yourself sista…”
And there it was, the inspiration for this post…learning to praise not condemn ourselves. How easy is it to berate oneself for things where we feel like we’ve fallen short, but with others we’re quick to remind them of their accomplishments not failures. Why can’t we do that with ourselves?
I’m always the first person to remind others that they’re human, that they won’t always succeed with everything they attempt but that the lesson is in the attempt, not the success. That we need always be kind to ourselves first, yet I’m the last to take my advice, even when I’m sick. I remind others to take time to heal, to take care of themselves and most importantly, speak kindly of and to themselves. If someone else had said to me what I did about feeling like a slob for missing gym time, I know exactly what my reaction would have been; an eye roll of epic proportions, likely an expletive (or two), and a reminder that we need to listen to our bodies. I would never allow someone else to talk to themselves the way that I talk to myself.
In this day and age, kindness is essential as we move forward, I don’t think that’s any big secret. What I think we miss is that there’s also an opportunity to learn to be kind to ourselves. That it’s just as important as being kind to others. Why do we allow ourselves to have expectations of what we are supposed to do higher than what we expect from others? And why, when those expectations aren’t met, do we allow ourselves to mentally and verbally punish ourselves?
I’m reminded of the Saturday Night Live skit, “Daily Affirmations with Stuart Smalley.” While this is the extreme exaggeration of what I’m referring to, there’s merit in this skit. Stuart takes time daily to remind himself that he’s “Good enough, smart enough and Doggone it, people like me.” We remember to send text messages to our significant others or children reminding them we love them and are proud of them, but yet we poke fun at the idea of doing that for ourselves. Why shouldn’t we remind ourselves that we’re good enough, smart enough and that people like us?
I challenge you, and myself, to start seeing ourselves through the eyes of others. To celebrate our successes but also to forgive our shortcomings. To talk to yourself as if you’re talking to a friend…with the same level of care and tenderness as you’d afford someone else. The next time you’re tempted to speak to yourself harshly, to belittle yourself for some perceived failure, to be unkind, remember that you’d never allow someone you love to speak to themselves that way, why should you? I am good enough, I am smart enough and yes, doggone it, people like me.
I Rise ~ Andrea