Yes, you are enough

Yesterday, at the gym a friend and I were talking about how different things are for kids and teenagers, specifically teenage girls, today then they were when we were growing up. We talked about how much more aware of the world they are, how they have instantaneous access to whatever is happening in the world, the good and the ugly. Today’s teenagers are more informed than any other generation before. While in many ways this is a wonderful thing, many teenagers are feeling the need to act on the injustices they witness around the world, they also have the ability to spread information just as instantaneously.

Last night I watched the affects of that ability devastate and emotionally traumatize an amazing young lady. Why are girls, and even women, so cruel to one another that they’re ok with tearing each other down and rallying others to do it as well. It starts young, but why? Why are girls programmed so differently than boys? When did it become ok to gang up on one another to convince others that one girl isn’t worthy? And how is it some girls outgrow the “mean girl” and some grow to be mean women? No one is perfect, no one is without fault, but since when does being imperfect make it ok for you to be the target of others?

I watched a young woman that had issues with one other young woman be ostracized by an entire team of girls. Is she perfect? Nope. Is she without fault? Nope….but you know what she is? She’s human. She’s kind, caring, generous, sweet, but human. She owns her humanness and apologizes for those times when being human may affect others. She takes accountability for things she may do or say that negatively affect others…so to see her be treated so cruelly by not one, but several others, others that she did nothing to, was not only painful to witness but pissed me off to no end. It made be wonder how this happens. We all long to belong, we want to be accepted for our positive and negative characteristics, and we want to be loved by those around us. Why do we allow this “mean girl” phenomenon to continue?

What can we do to change this? No girl should ever feel totally alone. No girl should ever feel like they need to be anything other than who they are to be accepted. No girl should ever feel like it’s just her against the world. How do we change the dynamic with our young women to be accepting and forgiving of others? How do we convince young women that they can use the “pack mentality” to be inclusive rather than exclusive? How do we teach the next generation of strong, independent young women that being strong and independent in adolescence should be celebrated not ostracized? There’s only one way I can think of; to model this behavior as adults.

It’s visible in business, politics, social circles and pretty much every aspect of life. Women are threatened by other women and because of this treat each other with the same behaviors they did as adolescent girls. They gang up, they tear down and they ostracize.  What would help our young women to become secure, stable and productive strong women is to see productive, strong women helping each other up, to know that forgiving and supporting each other helps all women to grow. To celebrate our differences rather than being afraid of them, using whatever opportunities we have available to us to enhance each others’ lives rather than being jealous or scared that those differences make someone more or less than us.

Not everyone will be your cup of tea, there will be women that you won’t necessarily want to spend time with or become besties with, and that’s ok. What isn’t ok is tearing those women down or treating them inhumanly because they aren’t your cup of tea. Being kind doesn’t mean you have to like everyone…it means just that, being kind. It means using the opportunities you have available to you to do good, to allow people to be who they are without fear of being treated negatively…and that’s what we need to instill in the young women in our lives. We need them to know that regardless of the style of music they listen to, the books they read, the color of their hair, the style of their clothing, or the sports they choose to be a part of that they are beautiful, that they are loved and that they are enough…and to encourage them to treat others the same way.  Only when we show others through our actions that they are enough will the next generation learn that they too are enough.